When I was 18, fresh out of high school and studying theater in New York City, a teacher told me during a mid-term review to, “Stop being such a scared little bunny rabbit.”
I remember looking at him like he had five heads. I had always seen myself as brave. I’d moved from a small-ish town, where my high school class was about 240 people, to the bustling streets of NYC just weeks after graduation. In my mind, that took courage! I had always been independent, and this move felt like a bold, fearless leap.
But it wasn’t until years later, during my divorce from my first husband, that I understood what he truly meant. He wasn’t saying I lacked courage. He was pointing out that I was afraid of failure.
Growing Up with Fear of Judgment
In that small town, everyone knew everyone. And for me, that meant every move I made felt like it would find its way back to my parents: a mother who criticized nearly everything I did and a step-father who made me feel uncomfortable as I grew older. I felt trapped in a cage of others’ expectations and judgments, which made me petrified of failing. My solution was to wear a mask of confidence on the outside, while internally, I was tearing myself down, anticipating the harsh judgment I knew so well.
The Turning Point: Finding Myself in the Silence
After my divorce, I found myself living alone for the first time. In that silence, with no one else to influence my thoughts, I was forced to confront things I had long ignored.
One of the first things I did was a simple act: I started saying “Thank you” to anyone who gave me a compliment—without any self-deprecating remarks. For years, I had been my own harshest critic, assuming everyone else was secretly judging me, too. This small step of gratitude began breaking that cycle, even though it took time.
As I reflected more, I kept coming back to that “scared little bunny rabbit” my teacher saw all those years ago. I realized that he’d seen right through my confident façade. And now, I had the chance to let go of that weighty mask. I wanted to be authentically me, free from the fear of what others thought.
Choosing to Embrace Failure and Self-Growth
So, I took this newfound freedom and started dating again, determined to be completely myself. The result? I found a partner who truly accepted me, built a family of my own, and found the courage to start not one, but two businesses.
That “scared bunny rabbit” became my inner guide. If she would hesitate, I’d take it as a sign to act boldly. I put myself out there, pursued my passions, and allowed myself to fail. And while failure stung, it also taught me things I never would have learned otherwise.
In those moments of failure, I found resilience. I learned that failure wasn’t the end, but a crucial step in growth. Each setback only added to my confidence, helping me shed old fears and live on my own terms.
Why I Share This Story
I share this story because I understand the suffocating weight of fear and how deeply it can hold you back. Childhood trauma can create fears so intense they’re paralyzing. But there’s something even more powerful in learning to release them, to embrace failure as part of success, and to live authentically for yourself.
This journey is what I bring into my coaching. My past, with all its challenges, has given me empathy and a unique drive to help others find the same freedom within themselves. Failure isn’t an enemy; it’s a teacher. And my passion lies in guiding others to see their setbacks not as signs to stop, but as steps toward growth, fulfillment, and true happiness.
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